I knew it was on today. The last several days I deleted email after email reminding me of what I knew was coming. What i knew i shouldn’t be watching. I knew today would be a struggle. I knew putting on my jeans this morning that I wasn’t going to win todays battle without a fight. My God, if i knew, if i knew the consequences of my actions and felt the ripple effects of my decision I would have thought harder. Watching these models, these beautiful, head turning, perfectly measured models walking the run way, in nothing but attitude and confidence left me feeling….empty.
My body remembered the confidence that I tried to shove in the deepest corners of my being, hoping it would disintegrate and be forgotten over time. My flesh craved the attention and admiration that these bombshells were capturing from the audience, knowing that at one time, i was turing heads too. But there was something else, a feeling that caused a burning in my sternum. Anger. Anger towards those who promote this misperception of body image. Anger towards those who support the measures taken to look perfect. Anger towards the men that praise it, expect it, want it. Sadness. Sadness knowing that there are millions of girls envying their bodies. Sadness knowing that there are millions of girls in the same situation, fighting the same demons, and playing the same mind games that i’ve played for years. Helplessness. I feel helpless, because i know I cant help them. I cant fix them. I cant protect them.
Lord I pray for the women of this world who feel unworthy. I pray that they would see their worth not in the eyes of the world, but in the loving eyes of You. I pray for their journeys. Their scars, their hurts, and habits. For the battles they are fighting. I pray women all over the world would seek freedom in surrender, not in self-reliance. I pray that their minds would not betray them. I pray that their eyes would only see what You oh Lord have created them to be.